writing

I haven't written here in forever....no one really reads this anyhow. I guess it's all for my own sanity and not anyone else's.
I love to write...thats' obvious. I have a blog. Duh. But I mean, its seems like EVERYBODY wants to be a writer. I swear I have at least like 10 friends who want to be writers. And I mean, everyone can follow their dreams, but will everyone succeed? Is everyone gonna be good enough? I get scared that one of them will be better than me and get books published and stuff and I'll be making my living by working @ a gas station and just writing blogs on the internet (that no one reads) just for fun. I guess I'll just have to be proud for my friends.

Being Concerned About Others For Once

So ... there's a certain person in my life that used to do things that really hurt me. I let go of them as a "friend" cos I was sick of getting hurt. But now this person is hurting my friends, and I hate seeing them fall. Hate it. Can't stand it. I wish I could say more...but theres always a risk that they could read this site. I need help. Like now.

(PS...I don't exist. Ya know, me, Shasta. I'm a fictional character created so that someone you know can get their viewpoints out. But some of my feelings aren't shared with my "creator"...so just, try and remember that okay?)

Hello?

Does anyone even read this blog? Comment on this post if you do.

Guarding My Heart (s)

Even though I often try to hide and blend into the crowd, there are plenty of people I admire. And no matter how much I lie, I HAVE had crushes. I just kind of admire the guys from a distance. Half of the time, I dunno if I really like them...or if it's just their good looks. :D But there have been some I know for sure, who I like(d) their attitude, looks, humor, love, etc...but none have them have ever noticed me. Then again, if one did notice me...I wouldn't know what to do with myself. And if they asked me out...I'd probably run away. Then again I could read their eyes...I could tell if they really liked me. I don't even know how to get a guy's attention. I don't actually want to get it (flirt). I want them to notice me without me doing anything special. But then again...I'm just to afraid. Cheaters? Stealers? Maybe I'm just safer staying away. If anyone has suggestions for me...
Then just to add to it, I have friends who will like any guy they think is hot. Like they'll just go and talk to him and without knowing much about him maybe even date him. I don't understand how they can just sell themselves out like that. I want to help them, talk to them about it, etc... but I don't want to hurt them or to be wrong. And I can't control other people's lives. Ugh. Maybe I should just leave them alone. Its their problem if they'll let anyone have their heart.

Even Sleeping :I want to cry but the tears won't come/There's blood on the ground, I think I know where it's from/But my hands are tied as I watch you die'/Step away son,the worst is past'/ He saidBut I can't see her breath, she's moving on fast/As the shadowy reaper glides through the trees/He's coming, he's coming, he's come to steal her away from me...

Loving...me?

Sometimes I feel like a social outcast. You know? Its craziness. I swear everytime I log onto aim, ppl "log off" aka hiding. When I walk in a room, ppl look away. Am I different? Is there...something wrong with me? I mean, I really don't understand. I want to be myself, not what other people want. But if I'm obnoxious, I need to change.
It's really rainy out.

Out of Control

I've been having nightmares lately. Lots of nightmares...about people. People I know and love...and am worried for.
I understand that I can't control peoples lives. In fact whenever I try to help my friends, I normally screw things up worse. But when I don't get to see my friends or they are away on vacation I get scared for them. I feel like I need them around for me...and I feel like I need to be right there for them. But the truth is I don't need to be. It's more of a selfish thing.
But I dunno what to do.

Is Being Different Being Me?

I really want to be different. Like, to stand out in a crowd, you know? Not in a slutty way at all. Just a normal innocent fun way. Like by wearing weird and colorful makeup. Or one black sock and on lime green sock. Or two differenc colord Chucks. Nothing to big. Its just if people notice my craziness, maybe they will talk to me and I can start making a difference. Being weird can be used for Him.
But sometimes I wonder if I'm to focused on being different and not on the important things in life? Like school, getting a job, saving money, being KIND to others...which is my weirdness's original intention. But in trying to be weird, I forget my main goal.
And then I get more off focus when people copy me! Like if one or two people copy me I'm chill. If it is a sibling (or someone in the same HOUSE) or like 5 million people, it kinda takes the shine away and I don't feel so unique anymore.
Grrrrr......